I'm an idiot!

Just finished a week's vacation with my family at the Happiest Place on Earth(tm). Don't get me wrong, I had a great time, but there was a constant undercurrent. You see people at their worst at Disney World, it's a place scientifically designed to bring out the greed, the desire to be passively entertained. It turns people into human ticks, living on the blood of this country, this economy, this world. And of course, every vile thing that I saw in the faces of the slack-jawed, the mouth-breathers, the idiots, I knew was reflected back at them from my own face. My kindergarten teacher said, "whenever you point a finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at yourself."

And she was right. I'm an idiot. We're all idiots.

So repeat after me, you there. Yes, you, in the electric wheelchair because you're too fat to walk. "I'm too fat to walk. I'm an idiot!".

And you, teen-aged girl with the short-shorts stretched across your fat ass, enough camel toe to carry your lunch and a can of soda, "I'm an idiot".

And you, with the clever saying on your tee shirt. "I'm unique, just like everybody." It's not that fucking clever, trust me. What it really says? "I'm an idiot".

This guy here, with the video camera stuck on his belt and 40 pounds of gear in each cargo pocket so he can hardly walk. Oooops, that's me. "I'm an idiot!"

You, college kid, holding up your digital camera to take pictures of the Cinderallabration, where all the Disney Princesses (tm) come out and dance? You're blocking the view of people behind you. It's a show for little girls. Why are you trying to record this at all? Idiot!

You, lady, taking video of the shuttle boat back to the parking lots. You'll never ever watch that video again. It's pretty boring just being here real time, you want to capture it and relive it? Why? Because you're an idiot! Say it now, "I'm an idiot!"

And you, Cletus-talking fat-assed white trash, pushing your way onto the bench that I'm on, CROWDING MY PERSONAL SPACE, you're an idiot, if I had a weapon you'd be a dead idiot.

I don't know why terrorists haven't struck Disney. If you can get explosives into the country it would be easy to get them into Disney World. Think what a splash you'd make, destroying It's a Small World. A few pounds of C4 oughta do it.

Then on the plane, the guy giving me stink eye because my six year old daughter was briefly disturbing him, playing with her dolls on the tray table and rattling his chair. Do you know how close you came to getting your hair trimmed later while you slept? I was so tempted. But, I'm an idiot.

So stand up, say it loud and proud. I'm an idiot. You're an idiot. We're all idiots.